inner demon

He lurks inside me

Grinning wide

Haunting a place that has never seen light

Lurking in my dreams

Haunting my sleep

Never leaving, but never to keep.

His putrid breath

flits across my face

"Kill them all and you'll be free"

He'd said.

So I took a knife

The deed is done

But he won't leave me.

I can never run.

Insanity my release,

Everything I hate

pulling away my consciousness in my dream-like state

My eyes are dead

An echo of my soul

My mind losing count of the death toll

Heart racing, 

I cannot stop

living is pointless

blood and tears

You bring the blade onto the cold surface of your skin

Drag it across

Just one more cut

Blood slowly dripping

drips off your arm and onto the floor

You start to cry

tears distorting your vision

screaming on the inside

Why wont it end

The pain hasn't gone

Another cut should do it

Why wont the pain leave

Maybe the only way to end then pain

is to end me.

midnight blood

I feel like nothing
As though I am
Darkness incarnate
Wishing pain on those who hurt me
People think I'm kind
Only to find that is an act
To find that it is hatred in disguise
They thought I had a soul
They thought I was nice
In truth I lost my soul long ago
Along with my passion and empathy
Once they knew they left
Fearing what I could do
For I am unknown
And the unknown is dangerous
For the multiple outcomes
Can be either good or bad
They see me as bad
Never will they see me as good again
And so I accept my fate
Of loneliness and sorrow
Of pain and hatred
For that is all I will ever feel
In this unknown world of mine own

midnight hour

This time that's now, this midnight hour
Hiding those who creep and lour
Inside your mind, they're in your head
Sneakily slithering towards your bed

Mark the time and feel what's present
In the black below the lifeless crescent
Dire is the darkness as they slyly slink
Not close yet, but nearer than you think
In disturbing dreams do you soundly sleep?
Gnashing teeth ward off those who creep
Hideous creatures who skulk and lour
Take their advantage in this midnight hour

Heinous Harpies with sharpened claws
Outside your head, but inside your doors
Unconscious dreamer can you feel them sink
Rapacious fangs into you, the gink?

lost in life

A haunting ghost,
this daze I find myself in,
a lifeless hypnotic hollow state,
this host that bears a faceless reflection within.

Drawn to shadows,
the mindlessly catatonic dead yet living,
this dreaded manic life,
like the living with the dead infected.

Here beneath the melancolic voice,
of my sadistic semantic reasoning,
I find unable to define the madness,
sound of deafening silence screaming.

Frozen inside a dead like state,
trying to shout but stifled.
How voiceless seems my words,
unspoken my thoughts remain embedded.

Yet unwritten my poems,
expressions of me
in a symphonic calygraphy of tears and blood
mixed with ink.
Missing pieces of what I used to be

remains

Sometimes at night I lie awake
Unable to sleep.
The darkness seeps into the cracks of my mind;
Infesting it with thoughts and questions of myself.

I question my sanity
As I lay there in the dark alone with my fears.
Am I insane that I see and hear demons
who really don't exist?
Are the fears I have much too quaint?

These are the thoughts
That crawl through my mind.
But still there is more
Questioning my sanity.
Am I really all that they say I am?
Who am I really?

I look at the reflection poised in the mirror.
I stare deep into the eyes of the person
absorbed in the mirror.
What I see there in my soul
Does not make my fears cease at all.

What I see is a broken down guy
afraid of how the world judges him.
I see it there etched into his being.
So he locks his soul away
Keeping himself sheltered.

he keeps himself sheltered
From a hopeless dream of perfection.
So that his soul shall never shatter
Again and be left with nothing.

I see a person who cares greatly
About the surrounding world.
The kindness is entwined to
His being.
The love burns throughout
All that he is.

I can see he would do everything
It takes to make his loved ones happy.
Even if it withers away his soul,
he doesn't pay no mind.

I know he sits there each day
Not caring that
His soul is slowly withering into dust.
Or that the remaining ashes
Of his withering soul
Are fading away into the wind.

Each day he lies there
Unable to sleep,
Afraid of what may become of him.
Faking a pretty smile to get by each day.
he holds on to his love and kindness
That still remains within
His heart and soul.

visit my grave

Angel, fallan, cast down,
forgotten, burning, crashing to the ground. 
Such is what I've felt, what I see. 
With regret in my heart, 
here beside my own grave i sit 
where i lie deceased.

In the coffin,
figure decomposing and black, 
this figure is me. 
Body covered in metaphoric bruises,
lesions and scars that still bleed. 
Wounds from the past, 
from pain, rejection, and deceit, 
my end six feet deep. 

A lament, a tragedy,
an outcast with a broken life, 
finally he gave in. 
With tears in my eyes, 
and cold chills down my spine, 
on my grave this was the inscription i read. 

Upon waking from this cold reality, 
this frantic dream, 
i realize i'm still alive and free. 
I'm tired of not being who I want to be,
of backing down, 
I've made up my mind, 
I won't give in, 
I won't be the victim, 
and most of all 
I won't accept defeat

Phantom

To you lies are like phantoms, you can see right through
To me the colors you wear are wondrous yet translucent, who knew?
You are the closest it comes to rainbows at night
Is it a lie to say your multitude of colors are a mask for your paranoia,
secrecy and past sufferings brought to a blinding light?

If I were to show you my true colors, you would see a world of grey
For you, I am ready to evolve, this day
Thus we are in two different dimensions unable to speak
We must break down the walls of our dimensions, with frozen tears I try,
but its bleak.

Separating us, a fog filled chasm
A solitary raven crows in the distant church tower, long abandoned save
for the cytoplasm
The fog poisons my mind, makes me envious and bitter without choice
My ears bleed to hear your voice.

Water in the desolate stream waxes cold like needles to the touch,
sulfurous

is the air of the night
Your unique beauty and countenance is magnified by the moon and starlight
Aquarius and Pisces are next to each other for eternity like Romeo and Juliet
Just like the water carrier and the two fish, why cant we be together
and avoid this regret?

I dream of you playing piano in the dark
Even one hair has a shadow, every part of you leaves it's mark
You live your life by lyrics, there are no words to this music, to this art
Just the melancholy melody of  longing stabbing at my heart.

An insidious mountain of creative pictures, you are painfully perfect,
pretty and talented, the enigma
In hell it is said, flatterers are plunged in excrement covered
in their own shit, their stigma
Am I just a flatterer? For confounding is your mystique,
but I think the truth I do tell
Dante had visions of hell, I envision never seeing you again,

is that not more condemning than hell?

final attraction

The trickle of blood can be so intriguing.
Just as bullets can enchant a weakened mind.
They can pull at the heartstrings or create butterflies in your stomach.
Even scramble your mind, preventing you from speaking.

To a weak mind, even the simplest of ropes can look so comforting.
Your stomach drops as you feel like your falling through space.
You stand so high and in an instant your feet are almost on the floor.
And you look down to see your thoughts leave you and your floating through darkness.

Many find the view a top a building or cliff to be picturesque.
They stand and spread their arms, breathing in deeply, ready to take just one step.
That’s all it takes and they are soaring, gliding down towards the ground.
As they lay their head down, the coolness of the pavement contrasts with the warmth of their blood.

But my favorite, the one that appeals to my state of mind, my state of panicked and fragile mind.
The sleek, cool, shiny piece of silver metal.
The one that can be held in the palm of your hand and it brings rubies from your skin and with it happiness.
It numbs your senses, and the pretty face that others have grown fond of is drained of colour.
It goes white and pale before finally, all that is left is a smile.
A smile because you feel you have done the world a lot of good in your act.

Because it does my heart a world of good, to see my own body in a box of wood.

only thing missing

...I am just a sad soul in the dark world,
sorrow and pain - my only companions...

...Dark words, burning tears of my pain,
comforting me in my sorrowful journey...

...Only one thing missing, final oblivion,
sweet death, in your icy arms I wish to sojourn...

just alone

Darkness crawling inside my mind,
eating memories, rendering me blind,
all gone, memories, nothing can I find...

Carved empty inside, pain veiling my sorrow,
sorrow veiling my pain, I am feeling so hollow...

Sea of tears, drowning all, life is just a loan...

my debt

Grasp of death, fill me with the cold,
inside me, something crying,
pretty thing, torn wings, wounds deep,
what keeps me alive, tears of love, tears of sorrow...

I am told, no more will I grow old,
inside me, something dying,
In my heart, wounded, angel weep,
in my death, for dying angel, I owe...

fate of my dreams

In my mind, in darkest corner, there's graveyard,
filled with desires, a dark land, raped, scarred...

In my thoughts, hidden, necropolis of dreams,
filled with dead hopes, echoing, ghostly screams...

In my death, I take it all, cemetary of my soul,
filled with darkness, in burial ground, whole...

my eyes

I stare to the madness, I see just my pain,
it staring me back, drowning me in the sadness...

My tears flow, blinding me, just for vain,
for no reason, my mind falling to the emptiness...

I stare in the mirror, once again,
I see my eyes, I see mirrors of madness...

shelter

Without you, 
everyone can hurt me,
cheat me to have a faith,
fool me to believe in the lies,
abuse my trust...

You keep me safe,
hide from all this madness,
you are everything,
you are,
loneliness...

Copyright © all rights reserved May 2014